I admit to liking some old Jefferson Airplane songs, but I fail to find kind words for its later incarnation, Jefferson Starship. Recently I was tortured with the song “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” and an alternate interpretation came to mind.

Don’t you wonder what they’re really singing about? Let me tell you, friends, in another installation of Self-Help Thursday.
***

Hello there, Grace and Mickey.  Welcome to my Rock Star Therapy practice.  So you’d like to talk about your relationship.  I’m surprised, since I didn’t think you two were in a romantic relationship.  I guess things are complicated, huh?  I’m happy to help you using my vast array of psychotherapy credentials.  Mickey, why don’t you start? Tell me about your feelings for Grace.

Looking in your eyes I see a paradise
This world that I’ve found
Is too good to be true
Standing here beside you
Want so much to give you
This love in my heart that I’m feeling for you

Mickey, this is a classic case of self-fulfilling prophecy.  By assuming that the relationship is too good to be true, you set yourself up for failure.  People with low self-esteem often feel this way, but you don’t have to join them.  Recognize your own self-worth and infuse your relationship with it.  Grace, care to comment?

Let ‘em say were crazy
I don’t care about that

Well, Grace, you’ve made it clear that you don’t care about other people’s interpretation of your mental state.  I’ve seen your art exhibits and you’re in the other polarity:  very high self-esteem.  Mickey, you could learn a little from Grace’s approach.  But I’m sorry, Grace dear, I didn’t meant to interrupt.  What were you saying?

Put your hand in my hand baby
Don’t ever look back

That’s right!  Don’t look back at those people who very obviously think you’re crazy.  Are they trained mental health professionals?  No, they are not!  So what will you say to those nay-sayers and name-callers?

Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if we’re heart to heart

Grace, this is where a high self-esteem person like you runs into trouble. This normally positive trait becomes overconfidence.  If the world fell apart, you would certainly not Make It.  Skyscrapers could fall on your head or a giant sidewalk hole could open, or the monkey cage in the zoo could collapse and let loose a pack of raging gorillas.  You won’t survive raging gorillas, Grace.  No matter how strong our confidence is, we humans have our limits.  Try again.

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing’s gonna stop us now.

Please, let’s look at reality.  You won’t live forever, and things can definitely stop you.  In fact, taking the time to identify your obstacles is the first step to prevent them from ruining your lives.  I sense that this this unrealistic view of the future is holding back your relationship.  Let’s rephrase and try for a more sensible approach.

And if this world runs out of lovers
We’ll still have each other

Grace and Mickey, I’m a little suspicious of your motives.  Previously you referred to the world falling apart, and now you say the world also risks running out of lovers.  Given that the world is steeped in delusional romantics, a shortage  is impossible unless you know something the rest of us don’t know.  You … you don’t, do you?

Nothing’s gonna stop us
nothing’s gonna stop us now.

Ok, nothing is gonna stop you from WHAT?

I’m so glad I found you
I’m not gonna lose you
Whatever it takes I will stay here with you.

You’re making me nervous now.  Come on, I thought you wanted relationship counseling but you keep hinting at some dangerous event on the horizon.  So you have insider’s knowledge on what it will take to stay alive?  What is it?

Take it to the good times
See it through the bad times
Whatever it takes is what I’m gonna do.

The good times end and the bad times are coming?  I think you aren’t telling me something.  What are you two planning?  Unleashing the plague?  Poisoning the water supply?  Calling up the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse so you can laugh at us poor mortals screaming in the face of divine wrath?

Let ‘em say were crazy
what do they know?

Who are “They,” Grace?  When people in my practice talk about “They,” it’s never a good sign!

Put your arms around me baby
Don’t ever let go
Let the world around us just fall apart

Again with the world falling apart!

Baby we can make it if we’re heart to heart

What is this, some kind of twisted version of the Vulcan mind meld but using hearts instead?  I knew it!  You’re aliens, aren’t you, and this whole spiel is a smug foreshadowing of your impending invasion!  The name change from Jefferson Airplane to Jefferson Starship all makes sense now.  And to think I was lecturing you about the limitations of human beings.  You don’t have to worry about that, do you?

Ooh, all that I need is you
All that I ever need
And all that I want to do
Is hold you forever, ever and ever
Hey!

Oh my god.  You’re looking at me.  You want to hold ME forever and ever in your twisted world of alien invasions and vampiric everlasting life.  Dear God, help me.  They’re coming closer, closer …

(guitar solo;  sound of shrieking and slurping)

***

The bad part about writing this is that I have that song stuck in my head now, and I particularly dislike it.  I do think singer Grace Slick is a cool chick;  she’s an artist now.

Tags: Alien Oddities, Self-Improvement by splarks
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Welcome to Self-Improvement Thursday on Splarks.com! Although more critter tales are on their way, including an interview with El Chupacabra, this series is aimed at helping rock stars find inner peace. Today we’re visiting a problem from one of my (shush) favorite classic rock bands.

Good Morning, Robert! I’m pleased to meet you and I know we’re going to have a good session today. So what’s on your mind? Tell me why you’ve come to see me.

Wanna tell you about the girl I know
My she looks so fine
She’s the only one that I been dreamin’ of
Maybe someday she will be all mine

Love’s grand, isn’t it? You want to shout it to the world. But there’s something more on your mind, isn’t there?

I wanna tell her that I love her so
And thrill her with my every touch
I need to tell her she’s the only one I really love

Take a breath there, buddy! OK, so you need to work up the courage to express your true feelings, but you’re having a little trouble doing that. What’s been upsetting your plans?

I got a woman, wanna ball all day

I see. Passion is a wonderful thing, but it can cloud our intent and distract from the issue at hand.

I got a woman, she won’t be true, no

So we’re dealing with some trust issues, here, eh?

I got a woman, stay drunk all the time

Oh dear, there’s substance abuse on top of it? It must be very overwhelming, trying to deal with substance abuse, sexual addiction, and the inability to convey your deepest emotions.

I said I got a little woman and she won’t be true!

Er … yes, I heard you. But we need to get to the root of her infidelity and the reason that you’re allowing it – yes, I said allowing it, Robert, because despite how it seems, you are in control of your life. Can you think of situations in your life together that could be masking a deeper problem?

On Sunday morning when we go down to church
see the men-folk standin’ in line
They say they come to pray to the Lord
but when my little girl looks so fine

God can be your ally, Robert. What other people do or think isn’t so important – it’s when you close your eyes and listen to that quiet, still voice inside that -

In the evening when the sun is sinkin’ low
Everybody’s with the one they love
I walk the town, Keep a-searchin’ all around
Lookin’ for my street corner girl

Whoa! Robert, I think we’re dealing with something more serious than infidelity. On one hand, you two are going to church together. On the other hand, you’re acknowledging – and I’m just repeating what you said here – that you’re in love with a prostitute. Do you see what kind of a double life you’re leading? You’re pulling yourself in two different directions, one towards a clean-living life with your church, and the other towards a sordid street life of alcohol and illegal sex trade. I can see that you love this woman. Maybe you even feel responsible for her and don’t want her to get hurt. But ask yourself this: what are you getting out of this relationship? At the end of a long hard day of work, where are you?

In the bars, with the men who play guitars
Singin’, drinkin’ and rememberin’ the times

Right. And what’s the love of your life doing while you try to relax and get a little peace of mind?

My little lover does the midnight shift
She ball around all of the time

I’m gonna be straight with you, Robert, because I know you’re a strong person and that you can handle what I’m about to say. This girl is bad news. Relationships are all about giving and taking, and she’s giving and giving and giving in all the wrong ways. But what is she giving to you? You need someone you can trust, someone who cares about your needs and your feelings. You’ve tried hard to prove your love, but it hasn’t made an impression on her.

I guess there’s just one thing left for me to do
So I pack my bags and move on my way

That’s right! You deserve better. You’re making a statement right now: Hey Universe! I’m Robert Plant and I deserve the best that Love has to offer! I’m not settling for deception. I’m not accepting lies masquerading as love anymore!

Cause I got a worried mind
Sharin’what I thought was mine
Gonna leave her where the guitars play

You’ve got a plan, my friend.

Hey, hey, what can I do?

Walk right out the door and don’t look back. Walk towards your future, Robert.

Whoa, whoa, what can I say?

I have two words for you: Adios, chica. Keep me updated on your progress, Robert. We’re out of time for today, but I know you can take this important step towards a better life.

(“Hey Hey What Can I Do?” Lyrics by Led Zeppelin, 1970)

Tags: Self-Improvement by splarks
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